another baby?

as september 8 approaches, i begin to realize how grown up my "baby" really is... for me, it seems like 2 is the cut-off point. after kids turn 2, it's like they're no longer babies, they are children. and that makes me sad. as much as i enjoy watching him learn new things, and grow and change day to day, i miss the times of having that helpless little baby, who needs me so much.
of course the more i talk about that, the more i hear "so have another one." and to be honest, i think i might like to. actually i do want another, or several more. the thing is, i know i can handle a baby, but i'm not sure i can do it with a 2 or 3 year old at the same time. and besides, eventually that baby will also start to grow up, and i'll be in the same place again...
the other concerns i have are mostly selfish: after one miscarriage, and one not-so-pleasant pregnancy, i'm kind of worried what it would be like this time around. and then there's that thought in the back of my mind, what if i get sick again after this one is born? or what if i gain all that weight again, only this time i can't lose it. but is having a baby selfish anyway? i mean, i really only want a baby, cuz i want a baby...
going from a family of 3 to a family of 4 seems like a huge transition to me. one child is like a novelty, and its still pretty easy to take vacations, and hang out with friends, etc. but 2 means so much more. i worry that i wouldn't be able to give both the attention they need, or that levi will feel like i don't care as much, because i spend time with the new baby.
ugh... so anyway, there are sooo many thoughts going through my head about this, so for now, until i can make peace with all (or at least some) of those issues, i am a one-baby mommy. and this little guy is what brings me the most happiness in my life!